grief wears different masks

grief wears different masks on everyone ⁣⁣
can strip normal away from even the simplest rhythms ⁣⁣like eating well⁣⁣
or consistently ⁣⁣⁣⁣

a dear friend asked me
⁣⁣peering closely at my face ⁣⁣if I had lost weight⁣⁣
and I have
⁣⁣it’s been silently slipping away ⁣⁣
a quiet unraveling ⁣⁣that I was too afraid of acknowledging

⁣⁣⁣⁣so instead ⁣⁣I started asking friends how to be strong ⁣⁣
to teach me to do squats
⁣⁣⁣⁣I want to be strong
⁣⁣because day by day
I can feel pieces of me slipping away
⁣⁣into the motions of every day ⁣⁣

until I’m at my front door with vertigo⁣⁣
turning my key ⁣⁣
dizzy ⁣⁣
snapped into reality⁣⁣
because I didn’t notice how I got there⁣⁣⁣⁣

it takes a lot of courage ⁣⁣to admit that you have weaknesses
⁣⁣or need help ⁣⁣
I haven’t figured it out well yet
⁣⁣but if you’re wondering ⁣⁣how to start healing ⁣⁣

call someone
⁣⁣breathe stiffly for a bit until⁣⁣
you realize you can’t hide the crying
⁣⁣
and then give yourself a hug⁣⁣
from me
to you ⁣⁣
wherever you are ⁣

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