I’m undone, I’m undone

I bought
a box of mini chocolates
shiny new shoes
earrings and hair clips
a facial mask
oil drops in a small glass jar
black purses
a black-tie-affair

I sat in
a bath
and every ounce of
every feeling
I was afraid of feeling
sat with me
under skin
in places I can’t claw
or cover
and damn me for
feeling so damn human
fragile
and unfixed
tension locked in
jaw muscles
shoulder blades

I can’t fix
my sleeping
these pills
my feelings
but lord
I keep trying to
drown them
in hot
soapy water
that smells like
eucalyptus
and desperation

darling
why can’t I stop
dreading
this
endless
ache
I’m undone
I’m undone

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