Hazy (Demo)

This is an album about the journey through disillusionment & grief. An accompaniment to the book, Hazy.


1. Trick of the Mitten

2. Like I Did

3. Whiskey

4. I’m Not Ready

5. Come Back to Me

6. Starlight

7. San Fran Feels

8. Flinch

9. Reprise

10. Where Do I Even Begin

11. What We Made

12. Sunshine


1. Trick of the Mitten

rainbow rays mixed through chlorinated waves
the summer haze where I can slip away
take me back to the cherry trees
the Michigan cities that remind me
of peeling bark and laughing like an old art
nostalgia tastes so sharp
I hear the whispers still of birds and their sweet trills
consume me ’til I’m filled

what am I supposed to do
if I can’t stop thinking about you
staying up too late to watch
the sun break on the lake
finding petoskey stones
convinced you were my home
I got tricked by the mitten
making lovers so smitten
I should have never gone swimming
it’s the trick of the mitten

swim into the lake
swim until you break

I saw a shooting star while parked in a quiet car
I realized you need the dark to see
how far you are

(still writing this section)

what am I supposed to do
’cause I can’t stop thinking about you
staying up too late with memories
that won’t fade away
standing in your snow where you left me all alone
I got tricked by the mitten
making lovers so smitten
I swear I’ll never go swimming
it’s the trick of the mitten

2. Like I Did

I’d like to say “boo hoo”
’cause the whole time you wouldn’t decide
I was in love with you
you pulled me out to sea
in the storms of your sadness ’til we couldn’t breathe
still, I kept my head afloat
watched you turn your back
and let me go

so just go
don’t you dare let me know
that you miss me
just go
you can have all those thrills
that will never fulfill like I did
so just go

I guess I’ll never understand why
you decided it wasn’t worth fighting for
you started lying more
it should have been a sign
but I was lying to myself, too
you didn’t want me and that was the truth
it just left me black and blue

(chorus)

I hope you stay warm at night
and I hope next time you can get it right
but just know that I’ll never fight for
or ask you back into my life

so just go
even though I know you’ll miss me
just go
someday you’ll outgrow cheap thrills and shallow girls
but right now, just go

3. Whiskey

if I were to write you a song
it wouldn’t be very long
but it’d cling to your tongue like whiskey
and I meant when I said
move it along
you only get to miss me
you only get to miss me

4. I’m Not Ready

when we sad goodbye
I didn’t know it was the last time
days, walking in a haze
the kind of loss you can’t replace

tell me how to let you go
’cause I’m not ready
no, no, no

peace, begging for some peace
I’m relearning how to breathe
all at once it sinks in
I’m afraid to be alone again

tell me how to let you go
’cause I’m not ready
no, no, no

5. Come Back to Me

baby, don’t leave
don’t leave
I’m all you need
all you need

I don’t want you to say it’s okay
it’s not okay

in my wildest dreams you come back to me
you come back to me

6. Starlight

painted starlight on my fingers
you’re the moon never far
still out of reach, too
these days it’s all a haze
I close up until I’m just a whisper of pain

falling stars they’re beautiful
until they fall apart
they fall apart
if I could catch one in my arms
it’d be you baby
burn into me

the night skies are my guide to letting go

7. San Fran Feels

ever since the night we spent
in San Francisco I’ve been unnerved
’cause I don’t let anyone into
the deepest pain I’ve been through
so why you

pull me to the brink
let me pretend it’s not what I think
keep my hand on the fire
I like the way it burns
subtle desire

well I heard you have a thing for girls
with broken pasts
believe me I’ve been taught what that means
you’re all smoke, flames, and gas

and maybe if I could get this off my mind
I wanna tell you the truth as if to prove
I’m doing fine

8. Flinch

it’s lonely to think about our story
how it’s only remembered by me
hold pieces, bittersweet memories
not all, you took more than I could keep

I flinch at every goodbye
numb so I don’t try to feel a goddamn thing
I flinch at every goodbye
numb so I don’t cry
I swear I can’t feel a thing
swear I don’t feel anything

you told me I was the only
orbit that could hold you
how could I not try to be the cosmos
to get you through
now a black hole without you

I flinch at every goodbye
numb so I don’t try to feel a goddamn thing
I flinch at every goodbye
numb so I don’t cry
I swear I can’t feel a thing
swear I don’t feel anything

9. Reprise

you make a desperate thing of me
gasping for air on the beach
keeping your love just out of reach
each wave brings me crashing to my knees

10. Where Do I Even
Begin

tell me
where do I even begin to heal
when everything’s caving in
tell me
how to let go
’cause I’ve been holding everything
too damn close
let it go

11. What We Made

look what we both made
something we both hate to feel
nightmare turned real
couldn’t get straight long enough
fracture me, love
fracture me love

look what we both made
something we hold sacred

I will love you anyway
I forgive you everyday

I will love

all of this to say
you’re so loved, babe

12. Sunshine

well there’s sunshine everywhere, I see it
but I’m not sure why I can’t feel it
oh, there’s a numbness sometimes
oh, doesn’t mean you’re not whole inside

feel it
feel it

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